Rain song
by Seratiah The Noble
Summary: What did anyone need with a discarded Gundam Pilot? Something that would be a long time from now. But whenever it happened, I would be next to my whole family. I don’t regret any of my skills as a pilot or what I helped achieve for Relena... it’s just


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"Rain song."

By: Dreamer

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When it rains I don't mind  
Let me stand here all night

The rain started to pour down on me soaking my already dirty clothes. I looked up at the moon through my soaked bangs to the cloudy sky. Even though it isn't a beautiful night, she still shines down on me through my sadness. Kind of like telling me there's still something out there for me. Even though everything I've ever cared about is lying in the ground now. I've always known that it was either me or them, but it's always been them and never me. I'm fated to live in a world where death is always taking the ones I care about to the grave. I have to live with the burden. Taking my own life won't help anything, much less solve anything.

That's when it rains I don't mind. Because it will take away pain if only for a minuet I'll forget who I am and my troubles. Something I always look forward to. My eyes take on a greenish tent and I seriously forget who I am sometimes.

I stood there all night, or I sat there all night. It's something I do all the time.

****

Did she take her whole life  
Let me know she's alright

One thing that has always bothered me is this: Did she take her life? Or did she take her life protecting me? Or what might've been our second daughter? These thoughts roll over in my mind all the time. I can't stop them either.

I remembered the night, it was one just like last night, rain covered the ground and soaked our clothes to the bone. We were trying our damnedest to get home before she got sick, I couldn't afford to lose her and the baby at the same time. I even took off my two coats, in the winter season, and gave them to her.

A man jumped out of the alleyways in the L3 Colony Cluster. He caught me by surprise and knocked me into the alley he had just come out of with the help of some of his friends. I was slammed up against the wall at an angle. I saw her run at me and hold up her arms trying desperately to protect me. What was she doing? What was she thinking?

Our attacker hit her across the face with his gun and knocked her to the ground. Enraged, I quickly got up and started hitting the life out of this guy, hoping like hell he didn't kill my daughter much less hurt my fiancée.

One of the other attackers aims for my heart behind my back, I heard the faint _click_... I knew it all too well and I started to turn around and heard the defined _click_ that meant the gun was fired. In the years after the war, my skills has slightly dimmed. What did anyone need with a discarded Gundam Pilot? I was only a symbol of peace to them, or a beacon. I was nothing compared to what Relena Peacecraft is.

She ran up and pushed me out of the way, a shot straight to her heart. Killing her instantly. By that time, I was really pissed off and I killed everyone of them bastards. They took my whole life away. Everything I had ever held close. I killed everyone to the point no one would figure out who they were much less who did it. I picked up my wife's limp body and carried her to the hospital that was right around the corner, how ironic.

I carried her into the hospital and demanded to see a baby specialist. They quickly sent me to one, seeing that I was holding an eighth month pregnant bleeding woman. I asked the doctor if he could save my baby since I've already lost my wife. He did his best and she, Anna, was alive for only a couple of hours. There was too many complications with the injuries her mother suffered while Anna was in the womb.

A week later on the L2 Colony Cluster, the two were buried in the same coffin with our first next to them. There was a space in the middle where I would be buried when I left this cruel world. Something that would be a long time from now. But whenever it happened, I would be next to my whole family. Father Maxwell and Sister Helen were buried not too far from where my family was and along with Solo, it's just an empty coffin since his body was soon lost in the confusion. This chain has got to stop.

But what I wonder the most is, is she alright? Are my baby girls Michelle and Anna safe with their mom? Please let me know that they are all in the same place watching over me. A person who can't let go of the past and never move on.

****

And every time it rains  
I feel her holding me  
And every time it rains  
Are the angels crying

I went and visited everyone that I held dear to me the next night. This is my addiction. I don't want anyone else in my life... Father Maxwell, Sister Helen, Solo, and _her_ are the only people I've ever let get that close to me in my life. I don't want someone else to become attached and I end up losing them like I have everyone else... I can't take it anymore. I'm only a man and one man alone can't take this kind of bloodshed that stain his hands. My childhood friend and family and my wife's blood all stain my hands along with my daughter's blood too. Then all of the countless soldiers that I killed in the war stain my hands with their blood.

When it rains again tonight, maybe just for a moment it feels like the rain is washing away the years of blood that taint my hands and soul. To forget being a murder is such a sweet bliss to me. Because then I can begin to wonder what a real childhood should have been like. Not like the life I've grown up to see. A childhood where I didn't have to steal money and food to survive. A childhood where I didn't have to kill and learn how to pilot Deathscythe, now that would be great.

I don't regret any of my skills as a pilot or what I helped achieve for Relena... it's just why did it have to be the five of us? Some with a future and then threw it away, then some without a future and then given one to look forward to. I just wish that we were able to live a little more of our childhood. Like the kids are now having, one where there isn't a war or having to hide in a constant fear of loosing one's life.

I stopped looking at the gravestones and closed my eyes. I tilted my head up toward the sky and let the rain kiss my lips. When it rains it reminds me of her. The way she used to hold me and the way her skin felt. It was soft and silky, much like how the rain feels to me.

****

I'll stay strong, I'll be fine  
Carry on with my life  
I still stare at the sky  
Pray for rain, all the time

Once the dawn starts to penetrate my closed eyes, I know I must leave this place. It's bad enough that I dwell on the past and practically live in the remains of the Maxwell Church... the remains have been cleaned up from the massacre but **I'm** the _only_ survivor of the Maxwell Church. Since so many died here on this plot of land, everyone thought it best not to rebuild the church here. Instead make it a memorial and bury all the dead that died here around Father Maxwell and Sister Helen... I funded the whole thing and as a founder I kept four plots for myself... for her, myself, Michelle, and Anna. After I'm gone no one else will be buried here. I put it in my will that way. It can't be touched. Heero and Trowa helped me set it up years ago.

Many still come to mourn the loss of a family member that was once in the church... but I'm the only one that actually lived under the Father's roof and lived because of my curse. The one thing that has kept me alive throughout the years. My violet eyes are my curse of Shinigami and a blessing from Shinigami alone.

Shinigami has made me who I am today and took away everyone that I ever cared for away from me. He knows this too, but He wants me to suffer and spend the rest of my life alone. That's why I survived the war and so many other trials in my life. Some of which I should've have died in, but _He_ kept me alive to do His will.

My hand snaked its way up to the three crosses that resided around my neck. One was real gold, another sterling silver, and the last bronze.

The gold one was covered in Father Maxwell's blood, he gave it to me with his last breath telling me get out before the soldiers killed me too. I told him that I could stay and fight, but the good old Father said fighting wasn't the answer when I first arrived at the church. I couldn't find it in myself to disobey his words... so I ran and hide in fear of my life.

The silver cross was from my wife, she gave it to me a year after we met. That was the night we confessed to each other how much we loved one another. It's a night I'll never forget.

The bronze is the smallest, but it means a lot to me like the rest. On Michelle's fifth birthday, her uncle Quatre and Trowa sent her money and a long apology letter for not showing up. She quickly forgave them and said that as soon as they can to come visit her. They said sure. But she took what little money she had and bought me this small bronze cross. She told me that she wanted to be apart of my cross collection so that I'll always remember her.

My first child had leukemia. Which meant that she also lost her beautiful hair, which was like mine. Long chestnut brown with black streaks going through it which came from her mother. She had bumps and bruises that appeared on her quickly.

The school board thought that we were beating our child and the cops planted hidden cameras in our house. I'm the best when it comes to stealth and they weren't that hard to find and notice things were out of place. After a week of nothing happening, Michelle became weaker and we took her to the hospital about two days before her birthday the next year.

In that two days she lost all of her hair. Which was to the back of her knees. My hair on the other hand was about to my mid-calf. So while she was in the hospital, I went to the hair dresser and told her to style my hair similar to Trowa's and leave a little rat-tail so I could still keep my braid Trowa's hair is covering one eye . I used half of my hair to make a wig for my daughter and then the other went to other kids in her situation, in hopes that it might bring them some kind of hope.

Six months passed and her condition worsened... her health had taken such a plunge that she ended up dieing from it. In a way they were lucky, Quatre and Trowa. They weren't able to get away from the L4 Colony Cluster... Trowa was busy with the circus and Quatre with keeping the peace in line. It would have broke Quatre's heart to see her suffering. Michelle even told me before the day of her death that she was glad that Quatre and Trowa didn't show up.

She said that she made her daddy and mommy suffer over her and that she didn't want anyone else to hurt. I broke down and cried at her bedside. She was confused and placed her small hand on my buzzed head.

_"Daddy what's wrong?"_ She asked me. I can still hear her small voice to this day.

_"**Tenchi**, you haven't made your mommy or me suffer at all... we're afraid of losing you..." _**Tenchi Angel**

Just the thought of that memory... I knew I had to be strong. I can't give up just yet. They're all watching over me from heaven. I can't let them down. They're also counting on me to keep their memories and dreams alive.

I got myself up off the ground and looked to the sky. Tears filled my eyes for the first time since _her_ death and I smiled for the first time in what it felt like centuries. I then bowed my head and left the graveyard of memories forever buried in the ground... but never to be forgotten.

On my way out, I knew deep down that I would always pray for the rain. It was Michelle's favorite thing to do, play in the rain. Soon it became a pastime for the Maxwell family, before she got sick that is.

****

Why'd you run, did you hide  
Why'd you leave, no goodbye  
When the clouds take the sky

When I got home another rush of memories hit me like no other. I could see her standing there yelling at me for something and I got pissed and left. I ran out of there leaving my wife and baby Michelle all alone.

It wasn't our first and last fight. We've been together since we were fifteen. But being together that long... we tend to get on each other's nerves every once and awhile. So she'd start a fight signifying that she'd wanted a few hours to herself. Well, it was different this time and when I was done running, I came home. But the house was empty... her and Michelle had left me.

I looked up to sky and saw that it was cloudy. Weeks went by and I didn't see her much less hear from them. Did I do something wrong? It sure seemed that way. I finally contacted Heero and the others and they said that she was there with Michelle. But they didn't know why she was there.

I showed up at Quatre's estates in the L4 Colony Cluster and we talked like we used to in the war. We were really close back then. I could almost tell him anything, except I told her more than Quatre.

Quatre has such a soft loving heart and a great concern for others. If I told him, he'd dwell on it and it would eat him alive. I couldn't bother him with that.

Trowa would just brush it off like he didn't even care. He only cared about Cloud and Cathrine. They were the only people in his life at the time he needed. Now he has two twins to worry over, Kenji and Bakuryu.

Heero would only give me his famous death glare. He'd then tell me to act upon my emotions because many have killed their own emotions like he has.

Wufei would laugh at me and call me a weak **onna**, what else is new about him? Other than Sally forcing him to marry her. But that was a rather interesting wedding, if I do say so myself. **Onna woman** a very rude Japanese version of it anyway.

With the help of Quatre's usual nonsense that brought me back to reality, I made amends with her and she forgave me like always. She knew me too well. She knew that I wasn't used to having someone care for me. It never really stayed with me as a kid, so I let no one in. The one's I did let in... they ended up dead because Shinigami was my shadow. I was so afraid of losing her after I let her in and she excepted me for who I was... sometimes I couldn't even stand the sight of her because of my childish fear. But she knew and understood why and stood by me. Why would anyone want to stay beside a monster like me? One that indirectly ended up killing people? One that couldn't live a normal life, so to speak. She even knew of my pacts with Shinigami and she still cared for me. I'll never understand why, but she did. And I wanted nothing more than to thank her for it.

I knew that she wanted to have a kid to raise so that she could have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I tried so hard to make that dream a reality for her. But when we lost Michelle, it took it's toll on her. She was really afraid of having another child because of the pain it caused her to bury our first. Anna was a wonderful accident. My wife would never kill an innocent and I knew that. But soon she got over her fear and accepted carrying our new child, it was her hope. But then she was killed in the streets of the L3 Colony Cluster. And I lost all hope after that.

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I'll never be the same  
I'll never be the same  
Be the same  
Be the same  
Be the same  
And every time it rains  
I feel her holding me  
And every time it rains  
Are the angels crying

My friends they're trying to bring me out of this "madness," as they call it. Quatre says it's unhealthy. Heero says that I'm only following my emotions, leave me alone. Wufei just snorts and continues to train to be stronger, he's afraid of being weak, weak bastard. He'll kill me for that one, but oh well, I have nothing to lose.

I've already lost my humanity and my motive to live. What difference would it make for me? I can't even being to call myself "normal." That should be rephrased to: "my normal self." Which is being really perverted and stupid harmless fun. But I haven't even cracked a smile since, to a joke that is, I lost her and my second daughter that I barely knew. I can't even do sick and twisted humor like I used to do in the war. Too much has happened for me to go back. This was just the final straw on the camel's back... the final straw that broke the will of a hopeless man.

It starts to rain outside and I walk out on the roof and stand there. I was wishing and hoping that she was holding me tight with the angel's tears that were sharing our sorrow...


End file.
